Let's Get Real -- A Look At My Favorite Reality TV Shows

What a week for reality TV!  Another season of “Hell’s Kitchen” on Fox-TV is coming to a close and it’s hard to believe that any one of the chefs that Chef Ramsey put through the drill this season is capable enough to put polish sausages and nachos together at a local 7-Eleven – but this coming week he’s going to pick one of the remaining two chefs to run his L.A. restaurant with a paycheck of something like $250,000. 

“Hell’s Kitchen” is one of those guilty pleasure reality TV shows.  The premise of the show is the same season after season with twelve chefs of varying skills trying to win the top prize – which is usually being the head chef at one of Chef Ramsey’s restaurants (the ones that are still open and haven’t filed for bankruptcy protection as of yet) – it’s just watching how incompetent these competing chefs are in just being able to complete a service.  Each and every season there is a chef or two that is your basic ‘fish out of water’ who is seeing the big city and bright lights in Hollywood for the very first time.  Then, you have those one or two chefs who think that they know everything who get a rude awakening when Ramsey lets them have it with a verbal tongue lashing.

There’s only one week left to “Hell’s Kitchen” and it’ll be interesting to see who he finally picks to win the whole kit-and-caboodle – but that won’t be the end of the exploits of Chef Ramsey on television – because this Wednesday night BBC America is rolling out another Gordon Ramey  reality TV cooking show.  This time – it’s not just chefs competing to win some outlandish grand prize – it will be restaurants.  Who knows what he has in store for this competition?  The only way to find out is to tune in to BBC America this week and find out – (and to sound cliché) – check your local listings for time and channel.

While I like to watch Chef Ramsey’s reality TV shows – I will admit that he is the master of “junk reality TV cooking shows” – but luckily there’s something out there for the more serious minded reality TV foodie and that’s “Top Chef” on Bravo.  I would love to see Carla Hall for season five win it all – but once I start picking favorites – they’re bound to lose.

A new season of “Top Chef” began last week and the twist to this season is that all of the chefs competing are runners up and just-about-made-it chefs from the previous seven seasons of the show.  Eighteen chefs in all will be competing to win this season’s top prize and the competition is fierce and if you’re a fan of the show – you will already rooting for your favorite chefs.  One thing that all of the chefs this season know is that you won’t be able to give the judges food that taste like crap and get away with it.

Anthony Bourdain has joined Tom Colicchio, Padma Lakshmi and Gail Simmons at the judging table and he has already pissed off one of the chefs this season with his “spare no feelings no bullshit” comments. I know that I will never ever taste a quarter of the dishes ever presented on “Top Chef”, but I love watching this show. 

Dr. Drew's team at the Pasadena Recovery Center

Another reality show returned for its fourth season last week – “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew” (Thursday nights, 10pm VH-1 and at various other times throughout the week) and I love this show.  Watching “Celebrity Rehab” is a lot like slowing down your car near a train wreck – you really shouldn’t be watching it but you’re drawn to it like a moth to a light bulb. 

If you’re looking for some really famous people going through the rehab experience on television for your entertainment pleasure – you’re not going to find a lot.  The biggest star of the bunch would have to be actor Eric Roberts, who has starred in a fair amount of movies and is also well known for being the brother of “Pretty Woman” Julia Roberts. 

Tiger Woods ex-mistress, Rachel Uchitel is another one of the people going through rehab with Dr. Drew, but you won’t hear Tiger Woods name mentioned at any time on the show, although you’ll get an earful of how she has been physically and sexually abused all though her life. 

The biggest human train wreck this season would have to be former 70s heart throb Leif Garrett who life of drug abuse makes Celebrity Rehab season one patient Jeff Conaway (of the movie “Grease” and the TV show “Taxi”) look like he’s a friggin’ eagle scout. 

The asshole of Celebrity Rehab’s season four patients would have to be Jason Davis – the spoil rich grand kid of businessman of Marvin Davis.  In the first two episodes Davis has done his best to piss off one-time model and reality TV start Janice Dickinson with cruel comments her looks and plastic surgery.

Even though Season four of “Celebrity Rehab” is not packed with stars – I feel that this could be one of the most interesting seasons of the show and if any one of these celebs advances to “Sober House” (another Dr. Drew VH-1 show)…I will be surprised.

[Small side note:  If you’re a fan of Dr. Drew – you be able to see him a lot more often than on his VH-1 rehab shows.  Dr. Drew has just signed on to do a nightly talk show on CNN’s HLN network after the beginning of next year.  I’m assuming his show will follow Joy Bahar’s show and air from 10-11pm.]

Well, we all know that there’s nothing more real than what we see on reality TV and I’m going to quit writing this and watch some of it.  What can you say…it’s only TV!

Talking TV: From Andy Dick to a Masturbating Bear...The Whole Truth Tanks While Trailer Trash TV Gets Renewed Through 2014

TV…TV…TV!  There’s lots to talk about…so, put down the remote, grab a cup of Joe and light one up (if you got ‘em)…we got some TV talkin’ to do.

His Name Says It All

One of Andy's more famous mug shots after being arrested

Andy Dick – one of the stars of the sit-com classic “Newsradio” and a frequent target of C-list comedians on those celebrity roasts on Comedy Central; plus – one of the more recent celebrities to have gone through Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab on VH1 has been caught with his pants down (so to speak). 

The website PopEater.com is reporting that Andy Dick allegedly flashed some patrons earlier this week at Café Audrey in Hollywood, California.  It all began when he kissed his male companion on the mouth and then he allegedly exposed his “little Andy” before leaving the Café in what PopEater.com is calling “a drunken stupor”. 

This isn’t the first time that Andy has gotten into trouble with his drunken behavior – all you got to do is Google his name for a list of all of the instances – but who knows – maybe Dr. Drew will give him another shot at cleaning himself up on an upcoming season of “Celebrity Rehab”.

Fans of Andy Dick can look forward to his next “direct to DVD” movie in the not too distant future.  Dick, along with Screech (from TV’s “Saved By The Bell”),  are the two marquee stars in a comedy being filmed in Flint and Ann Arbor titled “Tetherball” – which it will be safe to say will make the Will Farrell’s “Semi-Pro” movie with scenes filmed in Flint look like an Academy Award piece of film making. 

ABC Says, “You Want The Whole Truth?

You Can’t Handle the Whole Truth

When it comes to lawyer dramas on television these days – nobody can touch “The Good Wife” on CBS – but television likes to beat a successful genre to death once they have a hit – so we had a few new lawyer dramas premiere this season.  CBS dusted off  “The Defenders” format from the 60s with Jerry O’Connell and buffoon Jim Belushi and the people at ABC gave us a more original lawyer drama with “The Whole Truth” starring Rob Morrow and Maura Tierney – make a guess which of these two shows just got cancelled?  Yup, it was “The Whole Truth” that just fell under the ax!  It is not known when or where ABC will air the remaining episodes of the series – but they have pulled the show from its Wednesday night 10pm time slot for at least the next two weeks.

Wanna Know What The Weather Is?

Don’t Look To The Weather Channel

Remember when you use to go to CNN to see what the news was?  Now CNN and all of the other ‘news channels’ are populated with talk shows and talking heads with news nowhere to be found.  It wasn’t that long ago that you could turn to the TV Guide channel when you needed to know what was on television – but now that channel is filled with off-network reruns and reality programming.  MTV barely shows any videos – even the Gospel Music Channel is showing family movies and TV shows like “Highway To Heaven”….the only channel that is sticking to what they originally started out as is ESPN, you want sports – ESPN is there for you! 

If you are one of those people who look to The Weather Channel for weather when you want it – you’re going to be in for a big surprise.  NBC/Universal (the current owners of The Weather Channel – which won’t be that much longer since cable giant Comcast has purchased NBC/Universal) will soon be revamping the format with weather-related reality form programming – such as “Storm Stories” and programs like that.  You’ll still be able to get your local weather on the Weather Channel – but you’re going to have to look at the scroll at the bottom of your screen to find out what’s what weather-wise. 

Will Conan Be Seeing A Courtroom Soon?

Conan's Masturbating Bear

Conan O’Brien’s new show on TBS is set to debut on November 8^th (11:00pm with a replay at 1:00am) and he is planning to bring back some of his signature bits and characters that were a part of his years at NBC – such as The Masturbating Bear – and everyone is wondering what NBC will do.  NBC lawyers could go all nuts on Conan and claim that all of the characters and bits that he did on NBC are intellectual property of the network and slap a cease and desist order on him.   

The latest issue of Vanity Fair features an excerpt from New York Times reporter Bill Carter’s new book on last year’s Tonight Show struggle between Conan and Jay Leno and once you read it, you just might understand just why Conan might like to see a confrontation with his old employer in a court room. 

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone magazine, Conan is quoted as saying, “What I really wanna do is be sued over the bear and then appear in court with the masturbating bear.’Your Honor, this bear can't help himself!'"

Fans of Trailer Trash and DNA Tests – Rejoice!

If there were ever two television shows that point to a dumbing down of America – Jerry Springer and Maury Povich’s daytime show (you can’t really call these shows talk shows) these two shows would lead the pack.  What is also sad about these two shows is that they are also syndicated around the world for people to see and the impression of the Americans that people is not that flattering.  These shows are going to go away any time soon – as a matter of fact -- NBC/Universal Domestic television has announced that Springer and Maury have been sold to local station groups through September 2014.  I think a blank television screen would be better than these two shows – but I don’t think watching someone find out if he’s the baby’s daddy to be entertainment.

Well…that’s going to do it for this little visit.   Until we meet again via the written word – remember to pay your cable/satellite bill and choose your programs carefully….not that it really matters, because we all know – it’s only TV!  

It's Only TV:Dr Drew's Rehab Troubles, The Celebrity Apprentice That Won't Go Away and Sir Paul meets the President

It’s only TV and in this edition – Dr. Drew has some problems with Celebrity Rehab….Brett Michaels is named “Celebrity Apprentice” and now he won’t go away…Paul McCartney gets an award from the President and stirs up trouble in DC..and there’s a bunch of new cooking competition show.  There’s a lot to talk about, so let’s begin!

You got to be kidding me!

Have you noticed something missing from your reality programming line-up lately?   Its America’s favorite train wreck reality show – “Celebrity Rehab” and a new season of it should be on the air, but it isn’t…why?  Believe it or not -- it looks like Dr. Drew Pinsky is having a hard time finding celebrities to do the show.  The somewhat big celebrity names with drug or sex rehab problems – stars like Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen and Jesse James aren’t interested in detoxing in front of the cameras for the entire world to see and it’s hard to find even C- and D-grade list celebrities and porn stars that are willing or desperate enough to do a celebrity rehab.  Let’s hope the good doctor keeps on looking for some new celebrities to put through the rehab process, because we don’t need more retreads of celebrities from past seasons shows back for return visits – it’s gets a little tiring. 

Every Rose Has Its Thorn…So Does Being A TV Celebrity

Brett Michaels has got to be kissing Donald Trump’s ass big time while thanking God for sparing him after his recent medical problems – because his career has never been hotter than what it is today.  Let’s be honest about Brett Michaels – the bulk of his career recently hasn’t been as some chart burning rock star who filled the arenas and who’s songs were in heavy rotation on the radio.  The only time you hear his music today are classic rock radio stations playing his hit from the 90s (“Every Rose Has Its Thorn”) when he fronted the band Poison.  The bulk of Michael’s career lately has been on a VH-1 reality show “Rock of Love” – where he has babes vying for his attention ala ABC’s “The Bachelor” (only a bit more rock star sleazy) – this is not the show that careers are built on.  But, someone was watching over his lame ass – and that someone was none other than Donald Trump...

When Donald Trump and his producers were casting last season’s “Celebrity Apprentice”, they needed some sort of crazed misfit celebrity to fill the ranks of contestants vying for “Celebrity Apprentice” gold.  In past seasons, they have cast country music stars as would-be apprentices, now was the time to give a bone to rock and roll community – for the ladies team they brought in Cyndi Lauper and for the men’s team….Brett Michaels. 

If you watched this season’s Celebrity Apprentice – you were probably surprised that Brett Michaels went as far as he did in the competition.  Let’s be honest – Michaels can be somewhat of a buffoon and more of a rock n’ roll character than a true rock n’ roll star.  If all be said and told – if Michaels had not had the serious medical problems that he had (which took place after everything but the season finale of Apprentice had been taped), Holly Robinson Peete would have mopped the floor with him with a take-no-prisoner approach and won Celebrity Apprentice.  But, riding a wave of sympathy for his health problems – there was no way that Trump could not crown him as this year’s Celebrity Apprentice winner during the live season finale.  Hell, for Michaels to even make it to the season finale – which is something that his doctors told him that he shouldn’t attend….pretty much cemented the odds that he would be given him the title, right.

So, Michaels is crowned Celebrity Apprentice and you would naturally think that with all of his medical problems that he would take a breather – enjoy the family, etc.  Fat chance.  From the Apprentice finale – he went and did “Regis and Kelly”, there was a “Tonight Show” appearance and he popped up and performed with the idols on the season finale of “American Idol”…is there no stopping him?  Now, there’s talk that he’s in consideration to fill Simon Cowell’s spot at the judging table on “American Idol”.  If there is a God that watches over television – please don’t make Brett Michaels an “American Idol” judge!  I don’t care if he served as a judge for a season on the country music talent show “Nashville Star” – no more Brett Michaels.  There are enough signature cliché judging comments on the show now (“a little pitchy, dawg), we don’t need a bunch of worn out rock n’ roll clichés to add to them.  Plus, there has got to be someone of more stature to fill Simon’s place than Brett Michaels…if not…pack the show up now and forget about it.

With  A Little Help From His Friends

Leave it to a Beatle to stir things up and piss a few people off.  On June 2^nd, President Obama presented Sir Paul McCartney with the prestigious Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song.  The ceremony, which took place in the East room at the White House, featured a who’s who of music from Herbie Hancock to Elvis Costello, Emmy Lou Harris to Faith Hill, Stevie Wonder to the Jonas Brothers and comedy from Jerry Seinfeld.  The concert, which featured all of the musical acts performing either McCartney songs from the Beatles to his songs from his solo career, was recorded and will be aired on PBS on July 28^th.  (I’ll bet you that it airs during one of their beg-a-thon weeks, too, which is something like every other week, isn’t it?). 

Highlights of the night included Sir Paul performing the classic Beatle song “Michelle” for the first lady and the finale of the evening with everyone in attendance joining in and singing the chorus of “Hey Jude.” 

When presented with the award from President Obama, McCartney said, “Getting this prize would be good enough, but getting it from this president…” and he smiled. 

McCartney stressed that we are going through some difficult times and added that there are “billions of us who are rooting for you.”

But it was the comment McCartney made when receiving the award that is pissing a few people off and most of those are in the Republican Party with no sense of humor.  In receiving the award, McCartney thanked the Library of Congress and said, “After the last eight years, it’s great to have a president who knows what a library is.” 

Speaking of Jerry Seinfeld

If you’re like me – scratching your head trying to figure why in the hell Jerry Seinfeld was part of the Paul McCartney awards show and presentation at the White House – maybe he was bored and was looking for something to do.  If the truth be told – Jerry Seinfeld probably doesn’t have to work another day in his life (which might explain why he’s lowered his comedy standards to be one of the producers of “The Wedding Ref”).   It has been reported that Jerry’s TV show “Seinfeld” continues to rake in the cash twelve years since the last original episode aired on NBC.  How much?  Believe it or not, The TV show “Seinfeld”  has raked in some 2.7 billion – with a “b” – dollars in syndication and stations are still paying big bucks to get the rights to air the show with no end in sight – which I’m pretty sure Jerry is getting a nice little cut. 

Look what’s cooking?

Attention foodies!  We’re being spoiled when it comes to reality TV cooking competition shows.  Chef Ramsey is back with another season of “Hell’s Kitchen” on Fox and its fun just to watch him get pissed off and throw plates of food all about – plus, you have got to admit – his show can get some pretty bizarre contestants. 

Food Network is looking for the next Rachel Ray and Guy Fieti on a new season “The Next Food Network Star”.  I recorded the show, but have yet to watch it, so I can’t comment on how the people competing – although I do I have to say that I haven’t agreed with the final choices that they have made the last couple of seasons.

But the show of all competition cooking shows – the show with a little class “Top Chef” will be returning to the Bravo cable network on June 16^th.  Sharpen your knifes -- this season of Top Chef will be taking place in DC, as in the District of Columbia and you will probably see a politician or two somewhere along the line – but can you find anyone who’s bipartisan in Washington even when it comes to food?  We will find out.

That’s going to do it for now – so – pick up the remote and do a little channel surfing…until we meet again….remember, it’s only TV.

And That Was....

American Idol 2010

I’ve got to be honest with you – American Idol this season was as disappointing as my first (and only) marriage.  With the exception of Crystal Bowersox – the talent pool for this year’s American Idol was about as deep a Paris Hilton Mensa test and about as satisfying as a frozen waffle; and if it wasn’t for this being Simon Cowell’s last season as a judge – there was really no other compelling reason to watch AI this year. 

Last year, American Idol had some exciting performers such as Adam Lambert and Chris Allen – this year it seemed like everyone who came out on stage to perform had an acoustic guitar – which doesn’t bode well for being really entertaining television.  We were spoiled with Lambert last year who showcased not only his talents as a singer but as a performer – this year we got either a coffee house performance or performances on par of a touring Broadway musical cast. 

It is my feeling that Crystal Bowersox was the only Idol performer who really gave everything that they had into every performance of the competition and it was only in the last couple of weeks that Lee stepped up his game, but he doesn’t come close to Bowersox in pure talent. I was pulling for ‘Big Mike’ to bust out – but he just didn’t have what it takes to cross over into that level of ‘I’m gonna blow you away’ and he was lucky to have lasted as long as he did.

Why did American Idol suck as badly as it did this year?  I’m shocked that I’m even going to admit to this, but I feel it all comes down to Paula Abdul and her appearance on this year’s season’s finale made me realize that even more.  With the producers not having signed Paula Abdul to a new contract before the season began – it resulted in producers devoted a lot of time in getting “guest judges” at all of the auditions that they didn’t have their eyes on the real prize of American Idol – the contestants.  I know that Paula’s comments on the judging panel were pretty laughable – but she did provide some kind of glue to the show that was desperately missing this year.

I would be remised in not mentioning Ellen DeGeneres arrival to the Idol stage as a judge.  I like Ellen.  I find Ellen’s daily talk show to be entertaining and there have been some classic comedy moments on the talk show – which really made me look forward to her arrival on the Idol stage, but even she has been a bit of a disappointment this season.  If you were to compare some of Paula Abdul’s lamest comments as a judge to some that Ellen made – Paula comes out more knowledgeable and credible in her comments than Ellen does. 

I’m Not Gonna Watch It…

I wrote a review of the Jerry Seinfeld produced TV show, “The Marriage Ref” and even though it has been a minor hit for NBC – I still refuse to watch it and I don’t give a damn how many marquee names he gets to come on the show to be a ref.  To me, “The Marriage Ref” sucks and when you allow crap like this to get an audience then don’t be surprised the networks throw more crap like this your way.

I have yet to watch Jay Leno since he returned to “The Tonight Show” and was thrilled to see him bomb at the recent Washington Correspondence Dinner.  I’m still of the opinion that Jay Leno stabbed Conan O’Brien in the back after his prime time show failed by going back to the “Tonight Show”.  Sure, Conan’s “Tonight Show” ratings were low – but so were Jay’s when he first hosted the show.  Jay – you should have manned up and walked after the prime time show tanked and not yank Conan out of his seat on the “Tonight Show” – you could have refused NBC’s offer to go back – but you didn’t.

I am also proud of myself that I didn’t tune in to “Good Morning America” or “Nightline” to see them interview Sandra Bullock’s soon-to-be ex-husband, Jesse James.  I don’t think that he can anything that is going to change my opinion of him being the biggest friggin’ douche bag jerk still sucking oxygen out of the air on this planet.  And if Dr. Drew should decide that he might want to get James to appear on an upcoming season of “Sex Rehab with Dr Drew” on VH-1 – I will boycott that show, too!   

What The…..

What the….!!!!!  It’s the only way I can describe how I felt when I visited my local Burger King restaurant and see the signs all over the place for ribs.  Yup, the King is now selling ribs – pork ribs at that – and they aren’t the pork processed ribs that McDonald’s has used for their McRib sandwiches…these are real bone-in ribs.  I have yet to try them – but they are a little pricey – because they’re a lot smaller than the ribs that you might find at Applebee’s.  But, let’s be honest with each other – who really is going to buy bone-in ribs from a drive-through burger restaurant who wants you to “have it your way”? 

With all of that said – that’s going to do it for now.  Until we meet again via the written word....keep the grin above your chin and good thoughts in your head.

TV Frost Bites With Conan, Leno, Kimmel, Letterman and More

(Andy Dick in his "does my ass look big in this" orange jail jumpsuit)

Late Night Frost Bite: The last two weeks of late night television has been exciting to watch. Everyone knew that Conan O’Brien’s “Tonight Show” days were numbered at NBC, but it was how the network pulled the plug on the show and how the other talk show hosts reacted to it that made for interesting viewing.

First, NBC pulls the plug on Jay Leno’s 10pm fiasco and instead of just letting him walk (like they would any other star of any other show), they give Jay the option of doing a half-hour show in his old time slot and then they inform Conan O’Brien that his “Tonight Show” will begin at 12:05 (which would in reality make it the “Tomorrow Show”). How did Conan react? He informed NBC that he wouldn’t do the show if they pushed it up a half hour for he felt that to do so he would be participating in the destruction of a legendary TV franchise. So, now the ball was in NBC’s court and their next move was to fire Conan and rehire Jay Leno to do the Tonight Show once again and that’s when the other talk show hosts got involved in the controversy.

It has long been rumored that there was some bad blood between David Letterman and Jay Leno, but it never became more public than these last two weeks. Letterman has taken every opportunity he could to make fun of NBC executives and then went to work on Jay Leno with some stinging “inside baseball” comments that painted a picture of that Leno isn’t “Mr. Nice Guy” that he wants everyone to believe he is.

One of the more awkward moments over the last couple of weeks happened when ABC talk show host Jimmy Kimmel was a guest on the “10 @ 10” segment on Leno’s prime-time program the night after he did his entire show in Jay Leno make-up. During the writer’s strike of a couple of years back, you would have thought that Leno and Kimmel were the best of friends with each of them appearing on each other’s show – but the whole late night mess at NBC and what was happening with Conan changed all of that. Some of the responses to Leno’s 10 questions had the audience literally gasping and at one point it even looked as if Leno was getting pissed by what Kimmel was saying. At times it was even uncomfortable to watch, only because we usually don’t get to see emotions this raw being played out like this on national television.

Conan did his final “Tonight Show” on Friday and NBC will be re-running some of the programs that he did in the last seven months until their coverage of the Winter Olympics begin.

And Jay Leno – he’s going to be doing what any famous person would do when their career and reputation is damaged – he’s going to appear on Oprah this week. Will Leno be honest about his relationship with Letterman? Will he address his uncomfortable moment with Kimmel on his show? And will he address some of the mistakes that he made going to 10pm? About the only thing that we can expect from Leno’s appearance on Oprah will be that Oprah will throw more softball (questions) at Leno in one hour than your kid’s little league team throws in an entire week.

In the surprise that it doesn’t surprise you news department: Comedian Andy Dick was arrested this past weekend in West Virginia on two counts of felony sexual abuse for allegedly grabbing the crotch of a bouncer in a bar. Andy Dick was recently one of the celebrities “cleaning up their act” on one of Dr. Drew’s VH-1 Rehab shows and is no stranger to things like he’s being accused of doing in West Virginia. In 2008, Dick pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery and pot possession after he pulled down a 17-year old girl’s top at a chicken wing restaurant. My prediction is that chances are pretty good we’ll be seeing Dick on Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab next season – only because he doesn’t have the mojo in his career to warrant an Oprah appearance.

“What you say, Willard?” TMZ is reporting that Gary Coleman, the diminutive star of TV’s “Different Strokes”, was arrested this weekend in Utah on a misdemeanor charge of domestic assault. Like Andy Dick, Gary Coleman isn’t immune to a brush or two with the law within the last couple of years. He recently settled a lawsuit after he allegedly hit a man’s car at a bowling alley in Utah. Then Gary Coleman’s wife was arrested after an incident of domestic violence that was later chronicled when they both appeared on a 2008 episode of “Divorce Court”. And like me, you’re wondering, where’s Dr. Phil when it comes to someone like Gary Coleman….well, Gary’s career doesn’t have enough mojo in it to warrant a Dr. Phil appearance…but it’s big enough to warrant a mention here….what the hell.

It's Dr Drew's World -- We Only Rehab In It

Tonight (January 7th) is the night that I have been waiting for. Tonight is the reason I pay the big bucks each month to my satellite TV provider, because there’s no way in hell over-the-air commercial television is going to show this. Even during one of their “incredibly entertaining” non-stop fundraisers, public television wouldn’t take the time to air this. I’m not talking about some special pay-per-view sporting event or a concert to raise money to save starving children in some third world country from dying or to provide coloring books to blind children in Chicago. This is more important than anything that I just mentioned or even an Anderson Cooper 360 special report on Larry King’s suspenders , because tonight at 10pm, VH1 is proud to present season three of “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”.

Only in America can we take the fucked-up lives of drug addicted celebrities going through rehab and turn it into an hour of television entertainment. I’m sure that Dr. Drew has good intentions with the show and hopes that some people watching the show might seek some help with their addictions, but when all is said and done…it’s entertainment. Yup, pop me up a bowl of popcorn and grab me a soft drink – Dr. Drew and this season’s bunch of airheads and assholes are on the air.

Dr. Drew and his crew haven’t wasted any time in loading up the rehab with some serious whackjobs:

There’s McKenzie Phillips, of “One Day At A Time” fame, who visits rehabs like some people visit 7-Elevens to buy Slurpees. It’s too bad that her visit to Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab was filmed before she popped up on Oprah to talk about her drug and incestuous relationship with her famous father, because that would have really added to entertainment value of season three.

He was “outted” as an alcoholic on last season’s “Celebrity Apprentice” – now he’s come to dry out with Dr. Drew -- he's the reason God created the reality show -- former NBA superstar Dennis Rodman.

Every Celebrity Rehab needs an addicted rock n’ roll star on it and the good doctor doesn’t disappoint – checking into rehab this season will be the former bass player for Alice in Chains, Mike Starr and country music fans Mindy McCready will give the old rehab a little bit of what its like to be a wasted in Nashville. (And you don’t want to miss the episode when McCready is flopping around the floor in a seizure – as they say in Hollywood – “it’ll have you on the edge of your seat”.

Ripped from the pages of your daily newspaper – and why doesn’t it surprise you that this person is on drugs – the Hollywood Madam herself, Heidi Fleiss takes a turn at getting herself clean on this season of Celebrity Rehab. If Doctor Drew can get her to clean up her act maybe she can hook her up with the folks at “Nip/Tuck”,

The producers had to know that they couldn’t bring Jeff Conaway, of “Grease” and “Taxi” fame, back for another season of rehab – but they needed a reoccurring celebrity in the show and he’s got one – fresh from “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew – it’s ex-Miss United States Teen, Kari Ann Peniche. If there ever was a more unlikable and irritating human being on the planet earth – it’s Kari Ann Peniche. Kari is the reason that they make rubber bricks to throw at your television – she’s that friggin’ irritating. If she’s as much of a bitch in Celebrity Rehab that she was in Sex Rehab – people will be cheering for drugs to take this bitch out.

There are a couple of other celebrities attending this season’s rehab – but none as colorful and as attention getting as those that I have just mentioned. Who knew that going to rehab would be so fun. It’s television worth paying for -- don’t miss the show Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Thursday nights at 10 on VH-1 (and repeated numerous times throughout the week).