Thursday, January 07, 2010

It's Dr Drew's World -- We Only Rehab In It

Tonight (January 7th) is the night that I have been waiting for. Tonight is the reason I pay the big bucks each month to my satellite TV provider, because there’s no way in hell over-the-air commercial television is going to show this. Even during one of their “incredibly entertaining” non-stop fundraisers, public television wouldn’t take the time to air this. I’m not talking about some special pay-per-view sporting event or a concert to raise money to save starving children in some third world country from dying or to provide coloring books to blind children in Chicago. This is more important than anything that I just mentioned or even an Anderson Cooper 360 special report on Larry King’s suspenders , because tonight at 10pm, VH1 is proud to present season three of “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”.

Only in America can we take the fucked-up lives of drug addicted celebrities going through rehab and turn it into an hour of television entertainment. I’m sure that Dr. Drew has good intentions with the show and hopes that some people watching the show might seek some help with their addictions, but when all is said and done…it’s entertainment. Yup, pop me up a bowl of popcorn and grab me a soft drink – Dr. Drew and this season’s bunch of airheads and assholes are on the air.

Dr. Drew and his crew haven’t wasted any time in loading up the rehab with some serious whackjobs:

There’s McKenzie Phillips, of “One Day At A Time” fame, who visits rehabs like some people visit 7-Elevens to buy Slurpees. It’s too bad that her visit to Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab was filmed before she popped up on Oprah to talk about her drug and incestuous relationship with her famous father, because that would have really added to entertainment value of season three.

He was “outted” as an alcoholic on last season’s “Celebrity Apprentice” – now he’s come to dry out with Dr. Drew -- he's the reason God created the reality show -- former NBA superstar Dennis Rodman.

Every Celebrity Rehab needs an addicted rock n’ roll star on it and the good doctor doesn’t disappoint – checking into rehab this season will be the former bass player for Alice in Chains, Mike Starr and country music fans Mindy McCready will give the old rehab a little bit of what its like to be a wasted in Nashville. (And you don’t want to miss the episode when McCready is flopping around the floor in a seizure – as they say in Hollywood – “it’ll have you on the edge of your seat”.

Ripped from the pages of your daily newspaper – and why doesn’t it surprise you that this person is on drugs – the Hollywood Madam herself, Heidi Fleiss takes a turn at getting herself clean on this season of Celebrity Rehab. If Doctor Drew can get her to clean up her act maybe she can hook her up with the folks at “Nip/Tuck”,

The producers had to know that they couldn’t bring Jeff Conaway, of “Grease” and “Taxi” fame, back for another season of rehab – but they needed a reoccurring celebrity in the show and he’s got one – fresh from “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew – it’s ex-Miss United States Teen, Kari Ann Peniche. If there ever was a more unlikable and irritating human being on the planet earth – it’s Kari Ann Peniche. Kari is the reason that they make rubber bricks to throw at your television – she’s that friggin’ irritating. If she’s as much of a bitch in Celebrity Rehab that she was in Sex Rehab – people will be cheering for drugs to take this bitch out.

There are a couple of other celebrities attending this season’s rehab – but none as colorful and as attention getting as those that I have just mentioned. Who knew that going to rehab would be so fun. It’s television worth paying for -- don’t miss the show Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Thursday nights at 10 on VH-1 (and repeated numerous times throughout the week).

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