Some News About The News And The People Who Report It

It’s been an interesting week in television.  If rumors are any indication of anything – there will be one less female anchor hosting a network newscast in the not too distant future.  There have been rumors this past week – although no official confirmation – that CBS would like to buy out the remainder of Katie Couric’s contract with CBS News and replace her as anchor.  Would it surprise me if something like that happened?  Not really – especially with all of the rumors swirling around the internet and news blogs of some sort of deal being worked out to combine CBS News and CNN.  The other question is – who would CBS hire to fill the anchor chair if something like that did happen?  I dunno!  Maybe the news and entertainment division could work up a new program and call it something like “Who Will Be The Next CBS Evening News Anchor?” and have a bunch of reporters competing against each other for the position.  You could even have CBS/Viacom’s Chairman Sumner Redstone in the boardroom telling one reporter each week that they can “turn in your reporter’s notebook and go home’. 

Along with the talk of CBS wanting to buy out Katie Couric’s contract is the report that NBC’s Jeff Zucker (the man responsible for Jay Leno at 10) would like to have Katie Couric back home on NBC’s “Today Show”.  C’mon Jeff – do you really think that Katie is going to come back and be the perky one on the “Today Show” with Matt and Al after she has being the evening news anchor at CBS?  Jeff – Katie coming back to the “Today Show” wouldn’t exactly be a forward career move – that’s unless you have another brilliant idea – maybe something like “Today At Night” – a prime time hour of news and information and can use every Monday through Friday at 10pm.  Jeff Zucker could try and convince the affiliates on how cost effective a move having the “Today Show” on at night would be.  It would be less expensive that those pesky hour long dramas that you have to buy and schedule and what’s a more perfect lead-in to the late night local news that a network newscast.  Katie could report the news and do those hard-hitting interviews (like asking Sarah Palin what she reads) and the premiere show could feature one of Katie’s always entertaining colostomies.  Hell…maybe Zucker could be the one that the person that Katie chooses to insert a camera to go where cameras aren’t meant to go.  I know it all sounds pretty far-fetched – but nothing is impossible or far-fetched in the TV news business these days.

When I say noting is impossible or far-fetched in the TV news business these days – all you have to do is look at what’s happening at CNN.  Once known as the most trusted name in news -- CNN is quickly becoming the most desperate cable channel in America today.  When Campbell Brown resigned, CNN finally came to the realization that they couldn’t compete against the other channels with news and nothing but the news.  So, what does CNN do?  They are about to combine the news that you need to know with the equivalent of the kind of theater you’d expect to see on a prime time wrestling show.  If a bell is going off in your head that it sounds vaguely like “Crossfire”— the old CNN show where they pitted a liberal against a conservative and let them go at it – then you get a gold star for your forehead for having a good memory.  But they don’t stop there…the hosts that they have hired for this new program will be conservative columnist Kathleen Parker and Eliot Spitzer, who was once the governor of New York until news came out that he like to hire hookers.  Don’t expect a lot of respectable polite political discussions on this show – be prepared for a lot of shouting and attention getting theatrics or, in other words, a reason for you to tune in to CNN instead of the other cable “news” networks.

And the hits don’t stop there – CNN is looking to replace Larry King – who’s turning in his suspenders after twenty-five years of softball questions to some of the most powerful people in the world.  It’s pretty much a forgone conclusion that CNN will hire British TV personality and hack journalist Piers Morgan to fill the 9pm slot.  Most Americans know Piers from the Simon Cowell produced “America’s Got Talent” and from his appearance on “Celebrity Apprentice”.    Hiring Morgan will be the dumbest thing that CNN has ever done.  Trust me – before six months time – Piers Morgan will do something and say something to embarrass the network and give CNN critics fuel to burn the whole house down.  Piers Morgan is an ass and there’s no way in hell that he should be allowed to do an interview with a serious newsmaker – if my memory serves me right – Morgan once asked a British Prime Minister if he and his wife are members of the “mile high club”.  So, brace yourself for CNN’s new prime time line-up of Parker and Spitzer followed by Piers (I know Sharon Osborne) Morgan.  It’s a line-up like that that might have Anderson Cooper seriously consider taking the evening news spot on CBS.

I've Had It Up To Here....

Blame it on a around-the-clock cable news, cell phones that allow us to capture a moment and publicize it to world instantly via the internet and a general pop culture overload – we, as a people, tend to get burnt out on a lot of things quicker than we use to. 

I don’t know how you feel….but I have had it up to here with news that Larry King, CNN talk show host and certified geezer, is getting a divorce.  Let’s be realistic – Larry King getting a divorce for the seventh or eighth time really shouldn’t qualify under the category of   news.  Larry King staying married longer a double run of his night time TV show is news.  You see, Larry gets a divorce just like he buys suspenders.  When Larry’s favorite suspenders don’t hold up his pants anymore he just throws them away and gets himself a new pair -- when his marriage starts to tank, he gets a divorce.  

It wasn't news when Larry King was able to sweet talk a beautiful woman into marrying him, but when that beautiful woman and Larry conceived a child together  that was news – only because the thought anyone having sex with Larry is so repulsive.  (Close your eyes and imagine Larry doing ‘the wild thing’ with a woman that’s young enough to be his first son’s girlfriend – are you choking on your own vomit at that thought?). 

Anyone who marries Larry King knows that like day leads into night -- marriage leads into divorce and I’ve had it up to here with people trying to convince me his divorce is news.  It’s not…I don’t care and I’ve had it up to here.

Next subject:  Jesse James

Let’s state the obvious:  Jesse James is an asshole.  You don’t marry America’s sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, and then cheat on her with some cheesy ass dancer/former model from an adult nightclub who has huge “factory installed air-bag boobs” and Nazi swastikas tattoos on her body.  You just don’t do shit like that, Jesse.  On top of that – you could have done something to prevent all this news coming out about you and your crazed sexual libido long before one of the biggest nights of Sandra’s life happened  – the night she won her first Academy Award.  C’mon Jesse, where’s your class! 

It’s not the fact that Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock that pisses me off – it’s a miracle that news of it didn’t come out any sooner – because when you look at his choice of mistresses – discretion wasn’t something he was concerned about and  it’s obvious that he will do the ‘nasty’ with just about anything.  His marriage to Sandra Bullock gave him a free pass in to a world of respectability, but he's done kissed that ‘respectability pass’ good-bye because of  his love of “Nazi F---king” 

The person that I feel sorry for in this whole ordeal is Sandra Bullock.  What did Sandra do to have to be humiliated by such as low-life cretin as Jesse James?  Absolutely nothing.  Bullock has literally been in hiding since the news of Jesse’s cheating came out and you know that one day she’s going to have to face the cameras and speak about this ugly mess that her “loving husband” has put her in.  She shouldn’t have to do it, but there’s not a whole lot she can do to avoid it. 

Meanwhile – there’s Jesse James and the stories of him being in some sex rehab in Arizona.     From me to you , Jesse – the Dr. Drew’s of this world can’t save your ass on this one.  You remind me of Nixon’s henchmen during Watergate era who used God and being “born again” to cleanse them from all of their crimes.  It didn’t work then and it’s not working now.  I’ve had it up to here on this one, Jesse, don’t go blaming screw-up on an addition -- own up that you’re an asshole and fall off the planet, ok?

I’ve also had it up to here with John McCain’s gift to the world that just keeps on giving and giving and giving – I’m talking about none other than Sarah Palin.  It’s nice to see a failed Vice-Presidential candidate go back to her home state and resign from her elected job as governor half-way in her term go make twelve million dollars last year talking how our elected representatives in Washington need to be booted out of office.  Yet, her supporters will tell us that it isn’t fair to criticize Mrs. Palin for not completing her term as governor, but she sure does love criticizing those politicians who work out the terms that their constituents elected them to.  

I also find it funny that Sarah Palin is always blaming “the mainstream media” about this and that – but when is she going to put two and two together and realize that her employment by Fox News now makes her part of the mainstream media.  If Fox News is the most popular news network (that’s what they call themselves) and they have the ratings numbers to back them up that they are more popular than MSNBC or CNN (two organizations that I consider “mainstream media”) then her employment by Fox makes mainstream just by association. 

And dear Mrs Palin – you don’t want your family criticized or attacked by the media – then do us a favor – don’t parade them on stage wherever you go like they’re part of the show.  If you use them to portray family values you better expect to be called out on it when that family of yours doesn’t live up to what’s being sold.

I have literally had it up to here – when it comes to anything and everything that is Sarah Palin – the sad thing is – Sarah Palin isn’t going to head into the political sunset for a long time – we can just hope that “gotcha” wink and a nod will catch up with her and she can live out her golden years in Alaska eating Moose fritters or something like that.  It's a nice thought -- until then...we're just gonna have to grin and bear it.  

Let's Talk TV: American Idol, Celebrity Apprentice and Larry King???

It’s been awhile since I have written anything – so, I thought that I might as well get off my fat ass and talk about one of my favorite subjects – TV!

American Idol

I was really looking forward to this season of “American Idol” for two reasons: 1) Ellen DeGeneres and 2) Paula Abdul was no longer was going to be on the show. I really thought that Ellen would boost the entertainment factor of the program with some of her comments – but she’s as bad as Paula when it comes to not wanting to hurt the performer’s feelings. When Paula Abdul was on the show, we could at least tune in to see if she was going to say anything coherent or if she was going to fall asleep on Simon’s shoulder from some prescription med bender the night before. Now, we have Ellen – America’s favorite Gay next door in the Idol judging seat and I feel like calling Dick Cheney to see if he’d send someone to water board me just so that I can stay awake though the whole show.

C’mon Ellen, do us all a favor and admit to everyone in the free world and those who might just give a damn that this year’s batch of Idols suck. I really can’t see very many of this year’s batch of Idols really ever having a career in music – with the exception of Bowersox with her Melissa Etheridge voice and Big Mike – the rest of the Idol tryouts might want to check out a career as a bun warmer at the Pinks hot dog stand in Los Angeles – because I really don’t see too many of them recording music that might actually made it on the radio. I mean, I have seen folk singers excite a crowd more than the American Idol 12 have so far this season and when that happens you know that things aren’t good in the world of Idol.

Celebrity Apprentice

Another season of “Celebrity Apprentice”, or as I like to look at it as, “The Return of the Comb Over Boardroom”, begins tonight (March 14, 9pm, NBC). If the promos are any indication of what this season of Apprentice is going to look like – then NBC has a winner on their hands.

You can’t lose when you have people like Sharon Osborne and Cyndi “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” Lauper trying to win money for their favorite charities while vying for the title of “Celebrity Apprentice”. Both Osborne and Lauper can be pretty intense when they set their minds to it and the rest of the cast of this year’s CA aren’t anything to sneeze at either. Talk on the blogs are saying that comedian Sinbad is going to surprise everyone on how tough he can be when it comes to trying to win the approval of The Donald. Keep a close eye on comedian Carol Leifer, too. Leifer, who was one of the writers on Seinfeld and is supposedly the person that character of Ellen was based on, is playing Celebrity Apprentice to win it!

Join Me In My Campaign To Find A Nice (Rest) Home for Larry King

What is it going to take for CNN to finally wise up and let Larry King stay home and collect his social security checks? CNN’s ratings have been taking a deeper and deeper toilet swirl and they aren’t going to improve as long as they keep King on the air. When Fox News has Sean Sanity ranting about Obama Care and what he perceives as Obama’s socialist agenda and MSNBC has Rachel Maddow putting her progressive spin on the news and making some sense of all of the madness in Washington, what is King doing on CNN? He’s holding a panel discussion on the overdose death of Corey Haim (a child actor who wasn’t relevant before he died and is even less relevant as he joins Michael Jackson in taking the perpetual dirt nap). Larry King was once a force to be reckon with on radio and television – but those days are long over – and the only thing holds him and his pants up are his suspenders.

That’s about it for now – and I hope that you didn’t forget to set your clocks forward an hour on Sunday night – you don’t want to miss anything that might be good on TV.

Tuesday Morning Frost Bites

The Palms Krystal Bar in Port Huron is one of the few places where you can

get chicken gizzards and gravy.

In the time honored dot-dot-dot tradition of the late Bob Talbert of the Detroit Free Press and Larry King’s of USA Today – I now present a few quick takes on things with Frost Bites:

I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to winter ending and soon. I know that we here in the Port Huron, Michigan area have not had to deal with an over abundance of snow and the temperatures really haven’t been that bad – but enough is enough already! When you have people posting on FACEBOOK how many days are left until the start of Tiger baseball spring training, you know that there are other people out there who are enjoying this winter just about as much as I am…..When I have an urge for a candy bar – it’s usually a battle between Snickers or Kit Kat….The power of the internet always surprises me. The only reason that I signed up to have Google place ads on my blog was so that I could see if there’s anybody that reads this blog and lo and behold after just five days Google Adsense is telling me that nearly one hundred impressions have been made to this site. One hundred impressions – that tells me that people other than my friends are actually reading this. Incredible.

Is it just me – but is there some real tension on the set of “The View” between Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Whoopi Goldberg? Some of the confrontations between the two in the last couple of months have been pretty heated and it looks like Whoopi wants to jump over the table and give this young Republican a “reality adjustment”….Looking for a good burger? The people in my hometown of Flint, Michigan would direct you to a Bill Thomas Halo Burger for one of their Olive burgers or a Halo Supreme. My allegiance to Halo Burger is not as strong as it once ever since I discovered the burger at the Palms Krystal Bar in Port Huron. Who would have thought that the addition of sweet relish along with the usual ketchup and mustard could tip the scales to make this one of the best damn burgers you’ll ever taste. Way to go, Palms!!!.....There are two Beatle songs that can bring a tear to my eye nearly every time that I hear them and I don’t know why. The songs are “In My Life” and The Beatles version of the Motown classic “You Really Got A Hold On Me”.

I have put it off long enough – but I’m going to have to go in soon and get my eyes examined for a new pair of glasses…..When it comes to peanut butter – forget the name brands like Jif, Skippy and Peter Pan – and grab a jab of Kroger’s honey roasted peanut butter off the shelf. It taste great on an English muffin or bagel hot from the toaster or combined with your favorite jelly for a good ole traditional p-b-and j. Not only is this peanut butter delicious – it’s a lot cheaper than the name brand and sometimes Kroger’s has it on sale during one of the 10-for-10 sales…..It’s a toss-up for me when it comes to who’s face on the TV screen will have me reaching for the remote quicker – Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi or that dynamic duo in the Senate – John McCain and Joe Lieberman.

You can beat a book for a buck and some of the more entertaining books that I have read recently have only cost me a dollar at a Dollar Tree store. If you ever see me coming out of Dollar Tree store – the odds are pretty good that I was there to see if they have added any new dollar books to their selection…..It’s always amazes me how people want to share their faith in Jesus via their latest e-mail to me. I can accept that the people who send these e-mails are sincere when it comes to their faith – but I find it somewhat weird that they try to get me to believe the same way that they do when they turn their e-mail into a chain letter. The wrath of God and all of his followers will be on my head if I’m not one of the people who send the e-mail off to ten other people – it’s kind of a weird way to share God’s love, isn’t it?….I wish that more places that sell fountain soft drinks had Coke Zero as a drink choice. To me it’s a better tasting diet cola than their Diet Coke and it beats Diet Pepsi…..You can count me in as being one of those people that is looking forward to February when comedian Ellen DeGenerees joins the judges table on Fox’s “American Idol”. Imagine a whole season of “American Idol” without Paula Abdul’s lame ass “that’s pitchy” comments….And if you’re ever near a “Sonic” drive-in restaurant – forget about the burgers, the chicken sandwiches or hot dogs and grab a large order of their onion rings – you’ll thank me for it later.